Self-help

The Enemy

Posted by on Oct 12, 2015 in Communication, Conflict Theory, Self-help, Self-Mastery, The enemy | Comments Off on The Enemy

In his book, The Gulag Archipelago, Alexander Solzhenitsyn said, “If only there were evil people somewhere insidiously committing evil deeds and it were necessary only to separate them from the rest of us and destroy them. But the line dividing good and evil cuts through the heart of every human being.” Enemy thinking is creating a ‘them’ out there who are the culprits of all evil. ‘They’ are responsible for societal problems. As long as we can point a finger at a certain group, the rest of us can blame and complain – feeling, of course, that we have done nothing to cause problems. If...

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The Attack

Posted by on Jan 10, 2015 in Communication, Conflict Theory, Self-help | Comments Off on The Attack

The attack comes at us when we least expect it to happen. Another person comes at us fully armed with anger, a plethora of accusations, and a loaded arsenal of insults and offenses. Time stands still for a second as we try to reason it out. We usually know a snippet or two of the situation, but the full picture still eludes us. Our stomachs may hurt or our chests get tight as a wave of physical shock accompanies the confusion. This is a moment when there are two, opposing needs. The person who is attacking has been overwhelmed with a situation that has escaped the other. Whether real or...

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We Get Better at What We Practice

Posted by on Nov 1, 2014 in Communication, Conflict Theory, Self-help | Comments Off on We Get Better at What We Practice

There is one thing I know for sure. We get better at what we practice. I remember the first time I talked in front of a group. I was student teaching in a high school, and I finally had my first lesson to teach. I’m not quite sure how it happened, but I spilled out 50 minutes of lecture in less than ten minutes. Then I just froze. I remember Mrs. Larson, who was one of those strict teachers who scared everyone, dismissed the class. On their way out, students were patting me on the shoulder for encouragement, but I knew it was bad. Mrs. Larson brought over two chairs, and we sat right...

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The Secret of Wisdom

Posted by on Oct 8, 2014 in Communication, Conflict Theory, Self-help | Comments Off on The Secret of Wisdom

I have said many times that the world would be a better place for everyone if I could deal more effectively with the one person I come up against in every obstacle I ever face: me. That is a fact. If the longest journey a human travels is from the head to the heart, the shortest journey has to be from my head to my mouth. When I am hurt, tired, afraid, angry, frustrated, overwhelmed, hungry, or any combination of those, I am more vulnerable to descend to the foulest level of myself. This is not a pretty place. In that state, I am as cruel to myself as I am to others. While there, I lack...

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Conflict can be Messy, Emotional and Uncomfortable.

Posted by on Jul 8, 2014 in Conflict Theory, Self-help | Comments Off on Conflict can be Messy, Emotional and Uncomfortable.

Conflict can be messy, emotional, uncomfortable, and even downright painful There is an illusion, or maybe it is a desperate hope, that there is a fix, an answer, a curriculum, a program, a person, a book, or anything else that encompasses the one-step solution to a problem or conflict. There is rarely a one-step solution to anything. No president who we elect will be able to solve all of our problems. No single reading curriculum will address illiteracy. No pill can cure cancer. But, it can be a beginning. When one move is made, everything is changed because of it. It’s the basic law of...

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