Expecting Conflict

Posted by on Mar 1, 2016 in Communication, Conflict Theory, Expectations | Comments Off on Expecting Conflict

Expectations are so intertwined with conflict that it deserves another blog – probably deserves many blogs An interesting challenge with expectations is that they are rarely discussed. We expect people to be on time, understand the situation, stay calm, have a back-up plan, finish their part, know that a subject bothers us – and the list goes on and on and on. We expected something different than what developed. Each conflict contains some expectation. Someone forgot a birthday, did not finish a project, interrupted me, fell behind on a payment, did not call, or missed a meeting. On a...

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Posted by on Jan 3, 2016 in Communication, Conflict Theory, Expectations | Comments Off on Expectations

The Power of Reasonable Life Choices New Year summons us to let go of the past year and look with optimism to beginning a new one. It is estimated that 45% of the population make resolutions for the coming year. The underlying message of a resolution is an expectation. “I will lose ten pounds because I expect of myself that I am able to do so.” In reality, seventy-three percent of those who make resolutions quit before realizing their goal. This is when the hammer of expectations slams down on us. We cannot even live up to our own expectations! In other words, we have failed – again....

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The Enemy

Posted by on Oct 12, 2015 in Communication, Conflict Theory, Self-help, Self-Mastery, The enemy | Comments Off on The Enemy

In his book, The Gulag Archipelago, Alexander Solzhenitsyn said, “If only there were evil people somewhere insidiously committing evil deeds and it were necessary only to separate them from the rest of us and destroy them. But the line dividing good and evil cuts through the heart of every human being.” Enemy thinking is creating a ‘them’ out there who are the culprits of all evil. ‘They’ are responsible for societal problems. As long as we can point a finger at a certain group, the rest of us can blame and complain – feeling, of course, that we have done nothing to cause problems. If...

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The Ability to Handle Conflict with Wisdom

Posted by on Sep 3, 2015 in Communication, Conflict Theory, Managing Conflict | Comments Off on The Ability to Handle Conflict with Wisdom

Everyone handles conflict in some way; not everyone can handle conflict with wisdom. In fact, probably most people CANNOT handle conflict with wisdom,and absolutely no one can handle conflict with wisdom 100 percent of the time. We are human, and a plethora of conditions can affect how we respond in conflict. Under certain conditions, it would take a saint to walk out of a situation with addressing the conflict and without hurting another person. There are people who simply fail at handling most conflict. These people usually lack people skills, the ability to handle themselves, the capacity...

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Good, Bad, and Downright Ugly Sides of Conflict

Posted by on Aug 12, 2015 in Communication, Conflict Theory, developing interpersonal, Managing Conflict | Comments Off on Good, Bad, and Downright Ugly Sides of Conflict

Conflict can fall, as a generalization, under three categories of results: good, bad, and downright ugly. These results are not about the process of how conflict was managed, a different exploration all together, but an end product of its impact on an environment and/or human transformation. Determining the end result may not be immediate as conflict’s impact may not be understood or recognized for a long time after the event. Good conflict provides clarity, growth, and positive movement. People or environments are improved, and the results have a lasting effect. Seatbelts are a good...

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Self-Mastery and Conflict

Posted by on Jun 22, 2015 in Communication, Conflict Theory, developing interpersonal, Managing Conflict, Self-Mastery | Comments Off on Self-Mastery and Conflict

“I sit on a man’s back, choking him and making him carry me, and yet assure myself and others that I am very sorry for him and wish to ease his lot by any means possible, except getting off his back.” —Leo Tolstoy And what if we could make the “rider” more effective in the area of speech and drama so that he could better convince himself and others with sincere empathy that his intentions are good? I am not sure the man having to carry him would be any more relieved by it. And so it is with skills. They can be learned and even mimicked with such art that it looks, sounds and even feels...

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