The Attack

Posted by on Jan 10, 2015 in Communication, Conflict Theory, Self-help | Comments Off on The Attack

sharkwallpaperThe attack comes at us when we least expect it to happen.

Another person comes at us fully armed with anger, a plethora of accusations, and a loaded arsenal of insults and offenses. Time stands still for a second as we try to reason it out. We usually know a snippet or two of the situation, but the full picture still eludes us. Our stomachs may hurt or our chests get tight as a wave of physical shock accompanies the confusion.

This is a moment when there are two, opposing needs. The person who is attacking has been overwhelmed with a situation that has escaped the other. Whether real or imagined, the escalation of a scenario has taken an emotional toll. The need of the attacker is to have the other experience a similar level of pain that he or she has endured.

For the most part, the person who is being attacked has the need to understand the situation. Answers ‘to what has happened’ and ‘what did I do’ become the foremost quest for many. Still, some join into the emotional tirade because of the indignation of the accusations, or others may head to the nearest exit to escape the onslaught.

The bottom line is that there is a problem that needs to be resolved. The shortest line to that goal is usually the best route. After all is said and done, there is one question that separates those who have been under attack: “Do I remember what was said or how it was said?”  What is said looks to resolving the matter; how it is said focuses on the pain of the blow.  Basically, the person with the problem needs to decide on what he or she wants: to get clarity or to get even.